MY STORY
My own child/custody experiences have lasted over 20 years now.
I have lost custody and gained it back successfully.
I know the pain and anguish of not being able to see my child for long periods of time including holidays.
I know what it feels like to deeply miss your child when circumstances are beyond your control and not fair.
I have had to wait on the court system due to lack of financial resources for very long periods of time.
MY STORY BEGINS
I had my first son at the age of 21 and from a father who was from the middle east. We had started fighting for Custody when he was about 9 months old. When my son turned four, after being in court,
$30 000.00 later(20 yrs ago was a lot of money), and my sons father having done better than I on a psychological assessment at the time, after raising my son for 4 yrs full time, fleeing from abuse through Women's shelters...A judge granted him full custody and I was to have a few hours every second weekend all of a sudden.
The day I received the report that he was to go to his abusive father, my heart felt like it had gone through the ground about 10 feet. I went into a local church for support, got lead to the Lord, and immediately contacted my son's father and asked where he wanted me to bring him. His response was that he needed to be with me and to keep him. He proceeded to tell his lawyer and the Amicus (child's lawyer) that they were "stupid" to take a baby from his mom. His abusive sister also told me the same thing. Not what I was expecting at all from someone who also gave me a very hard time, as you can imagine.
I raised my son to the age of 8 yrs old when his father asked me if he could take my son overseas with him to see his dying Grandmother. (To this day 16 yrs later, Grandma is still alive and well). He said he would go for a visit and return him to me when they get back and that it would only be for 3 weeks. He also wanted me to sign over custody and change his name since it would make it much easier for them to cross the border, and that we could change it when they got back. Knowing he gave me custody back when my son was 4, I agreed.
When they arrived back from the middle east, he did not return my son to me and I had little access up until 2009. He is now 20 and finally left his dad's home. It was so controlling that he couldn't even leave at the age of 18. He is now doing "extremely" well. We are very close and he realizes I am not the bad person that his dad has made me out to be all of these years. The lies all became exposed. My son started to see what I was "really" like. He still wants me to call him as much as I can and really admires me now.
It will never be easy, but it will have been worth it!
My main words of encouragement to you:
To document everything, keep track of every little thing you do put it in a binder and when they turn 18 go through it with them so they can see what you did, what all REALLY happened, not to be confused with all of the lies they possibly had previously been believing.
Do everything in your spare time to help out other mothers who have experienced similar heart wrenching pain even if you have only 5 minutes a week to spare.
Keep your head up, stay strong. FORGET!!!!!What others think, because the nicest of them will not even understand the slightest without wondering what you did to deserve this!!!!Even if it was NOTHING!!!Like me!!!..and don't worry, don't panic, stay calm.
My current goal is to see groups planted from all over the world. If you are trying to plant a related group, please let me know. I will help you get it going. I have moms from all over the world that need support in their areas. Please do what you can.
I also want to say that we are in this together. You are NOT ALONE...there is help, there is support. The most important thing right now is that you found me, now go looking for the ones who have nobody.
We need to make this our mission, to pull these moms that were once like us having NO support and get them some.
Refer them to this website, so they can get connected in their areas. There are already many groups around that have local meet ups. Please help in anyway you can.
Heidi